Past and Present

I awoke with a start one sticky summer night,
along ago evening, or so I was believing,
and the sun was far from making the morning bright.

When I though it was the past,
I heard her breathing, her hands were feeling,
but the future was just
my beautiful dreaming.
I was back there, back in my old life being.

The hair was flowing, over the pillow
like a Godess and was glowing,
her cheek face redded,
after I had bedded.
My soul was ledded.

Just the same night while she was
snoring
I thought i heard her say someones name
whispered silently under her mouth
under her mind
under sight
under ground.
And i would tell her when she awoke
To a shouting match I would evoke
But too far, it was to be,
All I heard her say, was
marry me.

Oh Shit, I laid there saying.
I dont want to be this feeling,
feel like grieving.

Later on, or earlier, I dont know.
Like a prisoner in the solitary cage
consciousness uneeded.
Memory like the CD skipping.
Anyway, too close beside me
Her breath was quickening,
softly bringing
herself to whatever.
And I was sweating, crowded on top.
Alone in the room but covers
bunched round to make it hot and
really hot. Really warm and sweating
This night was never ending.

Toes running over the cold steel
that kept us shagging, even though I was sagging,
And then I prayed it wasnt real.

Why does it always happen.
Why do things happen to you, me?
Why did you hurt your arm?
Why did you fall asleep?
Why did you find this girl?
Doesnt it strike you as a little odd?
That everything that happens to you...
Happens to you?

When did our lives become a story?
Where did the Everlasting put in the next twist?
Why does it all happen.
When did the glass come up,
the glass that I cant break, or breathe.

Will I keep on? Fucking her?
Find out after the break,
Buy the next book,
Find out in the next life.
I cant remeber.

It happened in so many epsiodes.
Of that life.
Isnt our life divided into epsiodes? Each day,
days, crammed to a half hour of memory.
Felt like somethings building up.
All the plotlines were thickening.
We were all waiting for the end,
The climax. When did it come?

I want a sneak preview, I want to
see what happend next.

But for now i know where I am. (thank fuck)
Im sitting here smoking, while shes choking (on his cock)
And here in the present, I am. (I suck!)